I’m a planner. I’m also a fixer. I throw myself into things I can do tangibly, even more so when I’m stressed. There’s something calming about the chaos that I’m able to make a difference in as I check things off my list. (I’m also a list maker).
I’m learning more and more about myself all the time. Who I am, who I want to be. Sometimes in the hustle and bustle of everything, it’s easy to forget that I should just ask God for guidance. I don’t have to have the answers. In fact, I’m not supposed to. God doesn’t place me in situations to problem solve, he’s looking for my obedience to use my resources (ie Him). That’s not to say that I should be a mindless drone who makes no decisions, just that it’s smart to check the map when you’re navigating a route to take. 😉
I can look back at various times in my life when I’ve been the most stressed and pinpoint areas that I was so desperately holding on to. I often forget to apply the same grace that I give to others to myself.
I hate emotions, but only my own. I can navigate everyone else’s and help point folks in a good direction. However, I agonize over working through mine. I want to skip through the crying and upset and just be myself again. Emotions make me feel irrational and small child-like. (Again, grace). If I were talking to not me, I’d tell not me that it’s okay to have emotions. That’s a natural (and healthy) reaction to situations that cause distress. We have to work through in stages to be sure we care for the right things and allow ourselves to heal. However, when I talk to myself that conversation is much different. I hold myself to a higher (sometimes impossible) standard. I expect too much from myself most of the time and then in times when I need grace, I apply pressure instead.
Sometimes, we live in that place. The place where we apply pressure and the pressure added to our emotion makes us feel irrational. All the while, God stands just nearby waiting for us to come to the conclusion that he will take over all that hurt and confusion and replace it with only good things. He will hold us in his arms and let us just cry and be irrational and get it out. He’s willing to wait, however long it takes for us to reach the conclusion he’s likely been trying to draw us to all along. He’ll watch and probably wish we’d see it sooner but rejoice with us when we do reach that conclusion. As our Father, he knows some of us are just more stubborn than others (me) and we will get there eventually. He’s just patient.
Just Between Me & Jesus 