You are enough.

Hi. I’m Teresa and I sometimes struggle with unworthiness.

Unworthiness became a part of who I was at a young age. Born from childhood trauma tied around fighting for notoriety in a household of two parents facing their own struggles and not knowing how that impacted my brothers and I (each of us differently).

I can remember being as young as 7-8 years old and looking for ways I could position myself favorably to get words of affirmation from others. At that age, I became a “teacher’s pet” because THAT was a more consistent avenue of acknowledgement and hugs.

As I have grown older, I have learned a lot about where those feelings come from, what triggered them, and how to shut them down.

I’ve learned where my worth comes from. I’ve learned that unworthiness is a lie straight from the pit of hell to distract me from my calling. I’ve learned that if I refuse to identify and deal with what is driving that flare up, it will get worse and turn into something bigger.

And yet, there are still times when I find myself in that spiral of not feeling “enough.” In spite of KNOWING all of the things I’ve mentioned.

I saw a meme a few weeks ago that referenced Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages and said that when you’re not in a good mental health state, you will sabotage yourself in your own love language. So…I have two. Mine are tied for Words of Affirmation (surprise surprise) and Acts of Service. According to this meme, your self sabotage for Words of Affirmation is negative self talk/dialogue (✅) and for Acts of Service is procrastinating tasks or chores that help you stay focused (✅).

Right now my house is a mess, y’all. Don’t panic…I’m not going to be showcased on hoarders and there are no pests packing up and moving in, but my usual order is currently chaos. Also, my inner self dialogue has been a struggle to keep in check lately and Ive found myself feeling very undeserving of some really great things happening in my life. Not because I’m ungrateful for them but because I sometimes spend my time waiting on “the bad thing” to happen.

Two weeks ago, I was jotting down thoughts in my “get out of my head” notebook (ask me about this is you want to know what this means) and I recognized it as a spiral piece. I immediately said “I need to change my perspective.” I started sifting through, looking for the root of that mess so I could pull it out (“pluck out the root, destroy the fruit” as my good friend Dena always says).

Here I am, two weeks later, writing about this because I’ve always found that sharing my testimony and struggles is 1) a gift I have and 2) the fastest path to accountability and freedom.

I’m usually joyful. I’m usually encouraging. I’m usually kind and compassionate. When my focus shifts and I’m in this type of mindset, the source of those things isn’t the Lord. When he isn’t in it, y’all…it don’t work. 😬

I have felt my Father reminding and nudging me to use my voice. Speak up to those around me when I notice something or feel gratitude for them (even if it’s small and I think it won’t matter). Share that nice thing you’ve been thinking but haven’t shared with your friend. I’ve even got some new ministry ideas for 2022 that I’m planning to implement birthed from this place.

Tonight, a very dear sister in Christ tagged me in a social media post with a reminder from a word I spoke last year about how we talk to ourselves. Isn’t it funny how the Lord sends people to remind you of things you already know when you need to hear them?

Last but not least, I want to leave on a quote from Lisa Bevere that made me cry tonight. I screenshot this last month and completely forgot about it until I was looking for a photo tonight. It said “I am strong because I am His daughter. I am not a second thought; I am His first love.”

If you’re feeling unworthy or less than tonight, let me just tell you…that isn’t true.

YOU are made strong. YOU are chosen (and handpicked even, not out of obligation). YOU are loved. YOU are enough. ❤️