I have always been an encourager. I am a “Mama” not only because I have birthed children but because from the time I was small, I’ve always been drawn to care for others. Throughout my life this has manifested in different ways.
I love people who are dear to me with my whole heart. I want to know how you’re doing, I want to ask the hard questions, I will feed you (dinner, snacks, random baked goods), I’ll randomly send you texts/cards/letters and let you know how much you mean to me on a random Tuesday, and I’m a hugger all day. I show up in “Mom” ways because it’s just how I’m wired.
I’ve also always strived to be an includer. I try and pull people together and introduce them through conversation. I try and keep folks connected as much as I can (like the link between) so no one feels alone (this is likely also a Mom quality, I’m realizing as I type this out). I always feel the need to check in and make sure everyone around me is “okay.”
Lately it’s been difficult for me to pour out of myself but I also know that I need to. I don’t feel like me when I’m not encouraging others around me. I don’t feel like me when I’m not loving and supporting people who need that. At the same time, in this season of my life, I’ve been feeling almost as though I can’t do that for others right now. Some days I have felt that call to speak into someone but for the first time in my life, I’ve begun to second guess my worthiness to do that.
In every season of my life, I’ve always known there will be a testimony, a story to tell, on the other side that will encourage others. In the midst of that struggle and battle, it’s never easy to understand or to see where it’s headed. Without fail though, when I get where I’m going…there’s always someone who needs to hear about that journey and the Lord places them in my path to be encouraged and allow me to share.
I’ve lived my fair share of heart break and disappointment in my 37 years of life. I’ll say that this season is, by far, the most difficult season I’ve walked in yet. Many “new” territories to navigate:
– Learning who truly cares about me and having to accept that many in my former circle did not at the end of the day. Even if that means facing more incredible loss than I was prepared to.
– Having to acknowledge my failures and understand and accept my part in circumstances around me but also fearlessly accepting my imperfection and allowing myself to find the beauty in this aspect of my journey.
– Learning how to be a Mom without being a wife.
– Accepting that there have been and will continue to be things spoken and believed about me that aren’t based in truth and trusting that the Lord will sort it all out without my needing to “fix” it.
– Finding how I fit into ministry at this stage of my life and allowing the Holy Spirit to continuously remind me of who I am and that I am incredibly loved by my Father.
– Navigating how to enjoy my own company and remind myself of all of the positive things I do still have to contribute to those around me.
– Forgiving even when there isn’t acknowledgement or repentance and understanding the greatest gift I can give to myself is releasing anger and not allowing bitterness to form.
– Allowing the Lord to remind me that I can’t hide. I can’t withdraw. There’s still work to do and I still have a calling to walk in.
At the end of the day, I wish I could say I’m consistently excelling in all of these areas. I’d love to be able to declare I’m navigating this season of life beautifully. The reality is that some days are better than others and some days are just messy. Every day is one day closer to healing and continuing to press into all the Lord has for me. Every day is a reminder that I’m not where I was.
I’m here.
I’m breathing.
I’m alive.
♥️ Teresa
Just Between Me & Jesus 