Two part relationships

Tonight is a night when I can’t sleep and the Lord is reminding me of things that have been rolling around in my spirit for a bit.

Relationships – romantic, friendship, parental, working, etc. are all made up of two parts.

There is a relational or personal aspect where you get to know someone. You learn their preferences, their personality, their charismatic pieces, what makes them tick.

There there is also the legalistic side or the covenant portion. The rules that govern them, the boundaries they have in place for what they will and won’t accept relationally, the very definition of the black and white they live by.

I was thinking about this in terms of my children. I, as their parent, am raising them to be adults. There are many aspects of that. I am teaching them wrong from right, not only teaching but emulating. I am going to provide accountability and discipline for when their behaviors warrant that. I’m going to ensure they understand what they SHOULD do and things they should avoid.

It doesn’t stop there though. If I were to ONLY stress the rules and the accountability, if I were only ever an authoritarian, if I only ever focused on chastising my children for what they did incorrectly or what wasn’t pleasing about their behavior, we would have a really poor relationship.

On the other side of that coin, I have always spent time getting to know my children. I have spent time learning their personalities, falling in love with their facial expressions, watching how they interact with one another and friends and the world, picking up the little things that make them them. Learning their hearts and championing how they apply themselves in all that they do.

I’d even argue that I did the latter first. I fell in love with them much more quickly than I disciplined them. Each time I rocked them, fed them, cared for them, watched their tiny faces as they slept, held their little hands. I fell in love with them and held them so close, knowing they were precious.

Just as I can’t only approach my children with the legalistic pieces, I can’t only love them. I can’t only focus on how in love I am and completely throw shaping them and setting boundaries to the wayside. I must have both.

I must both fall in love with them AND be willing to discipline them BECAUSE I love them. We need both sides.

Now, let’s look at how that compares to our spiritual relationship with our Father.

I accepted the Lord into my heart when I was 5. I remember praying that prayer and being so excited that this Jesus I’d heard so much about was coming to be part of my life. I fell in love with Jesus and loved to hear stories about him and his attributes. Loved to hear about his relationships with others. Loved to praise him and spend time in worship, even at that age.

And he loved me right back. Unconditionally. Every day. Exactly where I was.

Along with learning his attributes, I also learned his commandments and what it meant to be in covenant with God. I learned what grieved his heart and what held potential to separate me from him.

Because I loved HIM, I wanted to follow him. I wanted to align myself to his heart. Because he LOVED me, he wanted me to know what was acceptable and right so I could spend eternity with him. He not only wants to know us but for us to know HIM. He wants us to come to him and share our hearts and for us to seek time to know his. He isn’t a God in the sky waiting with a red pen to mark our mistakes against us. The same way I discipline my children because I love them, the same way I have rules in place to protect them, we must also govern ourselves to his commandments, as Christians. But it isn’t just about the “law.”

We need both halves of that coin.

If Christians become solely focused on the rules, the laws, the regulations…they will lose their love. Likewise, if they become solely focused on the love of God that is all encompassing, they lose sight of what God’s heart is – which is to have a relationship with us so that we spend eternity with him.

Relationship requires both covenant and personal connection. We need the legality/covenant portion AND we need the personal aspects. Without them, we cannot truly understand what it is to love one another.

Just food for thought! ❤ Teresa