Y’all. Sometimes we endure seasons of hardship and hurt. They come in various forms but one that not a lot of folks speak on is “church hurt.” I’ve had so many people share their experiences with me over the past year, outlining so many different avenues of this particular wound.
The theme I’ve heard in many stories outlines people of the church who set out with “well intent” to “help” someone else in the church under the guise of the heart of the Father. Now, let me be clear that I do believe believers must sharpen one another, we have a duty to speak truth in love to one another, and we must be obedient to the Holy Spirit. But we must also recognize that it isn’t our job to “correct” or “condemn.” When we yield to the Holy Spirit, he is able to use us but we must take on and operate in his attributes and not our own to truly be effective.
Personally, I had never experienced a deep hurt from a church experience until last year. The details of what happened aren’t relevant to what I want to convey here but instead where I landed in that experience and the faithfulness of God following.
I am a firm believer in Romans 8:28, I believe God works ALL things to the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose. I don’t want to lose the context around that scripture either that clearly outlines that the Holy Spirit speaks on our behalf when we don’t have the words to convey. I can tell you I truthfully cannot count the tears or times I had to truly lean into that passage through this experience. Time spent lying on my face on the floor in various rooms in my home because I just couldn’t carry the weight anymore.
I won’t pretend that entry into this season didn’t shake me to my core. That I didn’t have to allow the Lord to speak to and draw my broken heart for months. I spent so much time questioning myself, whether or not I could truly be used by God (or ever had been), trying to understand if I had somehow been fooled into believing lies and deceptions about myself and my own understanding of who God has always been in my life. I craved community and fellowship but became so fearful around the authenticity of the heart of others. For the first time in my life, I felt truly and utterly broken, unworthy, and alone. I did have a handful of wonderful framily folks who supported, loved, and checked on me and I’m grateful for them.
You see, I can look back at seasons in my life and I can see the faithfulness of God sprinkled throughout. I can see his hand working to turn things the enemy meant to destroy me, I can see his protection and shielding in multiple areas, I can see how he guided and strengthened me in my most difficult seasons, even when I didn’t always see it in the moment.
And so, as I faced this season, this time of hurt and heartache wrapped up in so many other areas of disappointment and shifting in my life, I began to acknowledge “Lord, if you can use all of those pieces, you can use this. If I need to be completely broken and rebuilt in this season, I’ll trust that this will work to my good, as it always has.” During that same time, I began praying that I not allow this to become bitterness within me. That I not behave in ways the Lord would deem wicked, that I not walk in unforgiveness or seek justification. The Holy Spirit in me wouldn’t allow me to be consumed by those hurting areas (🙌🏻). Even on days when I couldn’t pray, when all I could do was cry, I held to knowing that the sorrow may last through the night but joy comes in the morning.
What I have learned is that God doesn’t shy away from our questions. He isn’t offended by my emotions. He isn’t thinking about how terribly I’ve “let him down” based on the standards that were being placed around me by people who didn’t have all of the pieces and know the complexity of a situation. Standards that were set incorrectly, even if they were stated out of love or concern.
The same way that when one of my children is heartbroken, I scoop them up in my arms and remind them of who they are and how much I love them…God has been right there to do that for me. Even when I allowed a misrepresentation of who he is to cause me to question all of the things I’ve already learned about him in my life…he has been patient. He has been faithful and has reminded me constantly of his love for me and of who I am.
Through this season of hurting, I’ve learned so many things, about myself, about others, about the Lord. A few I’ll share:
– I love those close to me with everything inside of me and because of that, I can be easily wounded by someone I have trusted enough to care about. In these moments I have to choose to own any part I’ve played, offer my forgiveness, place a boundary when it’s needed, dust my shoes off if necessary, and love them anyway (even if from afar).
– Not everyone who is beside you is in support of you BUT there ARE kind, honest, loving individuals who will show up in difficult seasons and shoulder a burden that isn’t theirs out of love FOR you.
– God doesn’t turn away from our brokenness. He isn’t ashamed of our emotions or need for comfort and healing. He isn’t weighing our hearts against the approval of others. He looks upon us, sees each one of us in our entirety, corrects us when we need it, but loves and supports us all the same.
– Brokenness does not equate uselessness. There is yet work to be done and brokenness is often required for rebirth. Trials 100% turn into testimonies.
– There is joy that is coming. It may seem foreign, it may feel as though the sorrow is unending, but there is joy that is coming.
I say all of the above to say…if you are in a season of hurting, or perhaps a season where you’ve been consumed by bitterness or the negativity that came in behind the hurt space…it isn’t too late, you aren’t too far gone. Stop what you’re doing and call out to your Father. He longs to embrace you and to replenish all that you lost (whether it was taken from you or you played a part in giving it away).
It won’t be easy. It will hurt.
Allowing healing to come doesn’t mean it’s instantly “all better.” There will be hurdles to overcome, there will be areas of opportunity for you to address, there will likely be emotions tied in and perhaps many tears.
It’s a journey. One day and one step at a time. You have to CHOOSE to walk in it. You have to CHOOSE to forgive, whether or not you receive an apology, whether or not someone recognizes that hurt that was caused.
It won’t happen overnight. You may have 14 good days and then a day when you cry between meetings at work. That’s okay. You have to go THROUGH to get to where you’re going. You can’t sit, you can’t wallow, you can’t ignore it. You have to go through.
You aren’t alone.
Your Heavenly Father will be there every step of the way. He loves you and he’s rooting for you!
And if you need an in-person supporter to listen (with or without commenting back), I’m happy to lend an ear and/or encouragement. ♥️
Just Between Me & Jesus 