Pressing, Crushing, Transformation

Posting this late, as I found it on my drafts. (Is laterblog a thing? Kind of like later gram?) 😬

Hey y’all! It’s Tuesday following our celebration of Easter and my last week was crazy busy.

If you don’t know this about me, I’m an analyzer/processor. For me, that means when I’m in a season of transformation, I think a lot, pray a lot, process a lot internally and once things begin to sift out, I can begin to talk about them.

I’ve already discussed that I’m going through a divorce and hand in hand with that, I changed churches. In the process of changing churches, I visited a few great churches in my area but didn’t feel planted in any of them. After I bought my house and changed locations, I was led back to the church I grew up in.

I started going there at the age of 7 when my neighbor and second grade teacher would pick me up and bring me with her. Sundays, Wednesdays, VBS, revivals, children’s church jamborees…I was there. I fell in love with Jesus there. I fell in love with worship there, I learned about the unending love the Lord had for me, despite my circumstances. I attended church here for about 10 years before moving.

On my first Sunday back, the mother of a friend I grew up with in the church came up to me, hugged me, and said “The Lord is saying ‘come home, Teresa” and told me she was glad I was back.

Just like that. When I hadn’t been there in 20 years. I was embraced and welcomed in immediately. Women who poured into me through very difficult seasons in my childhood and adolescent years have continued to pour into me in this season.

Divorce in the church is an interesting thing. I’ve learned so much about myself in this process. I’ve learned that I’ve accepted things I should have questioned or measured with wisdom. I’ve learned that I allowed things to happen around me that I shouldn’t have. I’ve learned that the influence and voice of people I love directly impacts me in ways it should not have.

I’ve also learned where grace abounds.

I’ve learned that we can’t keep quiet about things, regardless of what it may “look” like.

I’ve learned so much about removing myself so that there can be more Jesus.

I’ve learned that our own opinions will outshine the wisdom of the Lord when we don’t actively seek out the latter.

I’ve learned areas I need to allow the Holy Spirit to heal in me.

I’ve learned there is beauty in how completely I love others but there is also sometimes gut wrenching hurt as a result.

I’ve learned to recognize places still rooted in fear in me so that I can begin speaking against them.

I’ve learned I’m not as strong as I thought, and that’s okay.

I’ve learned I’m still a work in progress and THAT is the most beautiful realization of all.