When I was a little girl, I learned that I could hide in the spotlight. I could showcase certain parts of myself that I wanted others to focus on and keep others out of sight. As a kid, my home life was hidden and my accomplishments were kept in the forefront.
I was smart.
I made good grades.
I was kind.
I wanted those things to be the focus and not the broken pieces of my family’s home.
And so I got great at projecting those pieces. Vibrantly. On a nice little display to be admired.
As I got older, I thought I outgrew that and it wasn’t until I went through my 12 step program in preparation for leadership of the recovery ministry I worked in for years that I realized that same little girl was still present.
Sure she had changed over the years. The display pieces of focus shifted but I was so used to doing it that I didn’t even realize it myself.
She had two amazing kids (look here)
She had a successful job (look here)
She ran ministries (look here)
She also doubted herself – her ability, her worthiness, her contributions (but let’s hide that away)
She also sacrificed her own thoughts, opinions, and inner most self to keep the peace everywhere else (but let’s hide that away)
She accepted belittlement/being treated as less than, and hid the truth of it as “submission” and “love” (but let’s hide that away)
She held a microphone but tried to never draw attention to herself – don’t sing too loudly, don’t speak up as often as you are led because it’s “too much” and believe the lie that it was humility, which believers are called to walk in.
When we hide behind “humility,” we aren’t humble. We’re HIDING.
God wasn’t ever expecting me to shy away from a platform I was called to by Him, he simply wanted me to be aligned to his heart as I interacted from there. To be submitted to him and not driving myself forward.
I believed the lie .
That I had to hide away. Hide the pieces of me that make me human. The pieces that make me fallible.
That no one could see those aspects of me and care about the heart behind them.
That these pieces somehow made me “less than” and not as deserving as someone else who wasn’t as impacted.
It’s not true.
Not for me. Not for you.
You see, our greatest testimonies are born from our greatest trials and victories. The places where the intervention of our Father NEEDS to be great are not places of shame or condemnation, they’re places of celebration.
The word tells us we overcome by the blood of the lamb and THE WORD OF OUR TESTIMONY.
The enemy wants to keep us in hiding, riddled with shame and wrapped in condemnation for all we’ve “done.” That’s bondage.
When we choose silence and bondage, he wins.
When we choose to speak out, out of the hiding, to give glory to the Lord for all he has brought us out of…hell quivers.
Our testimonies aren’t just ours but they’re encouraging words to the church and those around us as reminders of God’s faithfulness. They help us to keep aligned to God’s mercy and remind each other of all he’s capable of.
Hiding is not humility.
Humility is us making the declaration of what has been done but simultaneously ensuring we declare it isn’t because of anything about ourselves. It’s all for the glory of the Father.
It’s not “look at me” OR redirection. It’s full transparency that points to HIM.
❤️
Just Between Me & Jesus 