Y’all ever LOVE to do something but also find yourself not doing it to your fullest ability? Like maybe you’re insecure about what you look like doing it, or someone else shows up and they seem “better at it” than you? Maybe someone else said something to you?
Since I was a little girl, I have LOVED to sing and more than just sing, I’ve loved to praise the Lord.
My worship time in my prayer closet has always been the closest I feel like I encounter the Lord. I’ve been gifted with worship and I always know I can seek out an audience with the Lord in my worship moments.
That same thing that has brought me such freedom in private also became something that was difficult in public, at times,
For many years, I’ve held microphones on a stage. I used to put myself in a back corner and hide, holding my microphone. Sometimes I’d be overcome and get a bold streak, but mostly, I liked to hide back there and not be too loud.
Told myself I was being humble. (I’ve made a post about humility and hiding already – and there’s a difference).
I told myself my voice is meant to support and not to lead.
Often, when the Lord gives me a Word in my spirit, I share it with y’all. But sometimes….I know it’s just for me and I tuck it away.
Back in 2020, I did just that and I found it recently. I had sang on stage, tucked back in my corner, came off stage and immediately got chastised.
“You’re shackled in your worship.”
And I stopped and had the moment of “but I lift my hands, I cry, I experience you.”
And I heard “I’ve called you to lead worship. To use that platform to usher in the presence of my spirit and you stop yourself for fear of sounding wrong. For fear of unworthiness.”
And it wrecked me.
“I have called you and made you worthy. From a child, I’ve called you unto me in song. It’s placed inside of you and your heart. Let go. Step in to the freedom of the calling you have. Let me work without your thoughts, without your parameters, without your fears.”
I remember I sat there and I cried in ny seat. I don’t remember what sermon was shared that day. Couldn’t tell you if I took notes or not.
“Commune with me. Press into me. Move through the freedom of what I’ve given you to do.
I have proven myself faithful. You have had need of testing me and I’m always faithful.
Let go of your notions. Let go of your fear. Let go of your unworthiness. Just let go and see where I will lead.”
And I felt bold.
Until I didn’t.
It wasn’t immediately a lesson I heeded. It wouldn’t be for a few more years that I would finally let go of what it sounds like and comparing myself to anyone else.
As a matter of fact, it’s been in the last two years. As God has healed and transformed me following my divorce. As he’s taken all of the brokenness I’d accepted and the diminished pieces of myself and he’s renewed, restored, and rebuilt.
I worship without a thought to whether or not it’s pretty (both to hear and to watch 🤣).
You know what I’ve learned?
The enemy isn’t ignorant to what our giftings are. He isn’t surprised by what God has placed within us with purpose. As a matter of fact, he works to oppress the very place that your most powerful ministry can flow.
Fear.
Insecurity.
Complacency.
Comparison.
If he can replace your freedom, your obedience, your surrender with these things…he can keep you distracted from fully stepping in to your purpose. Distracted from fully operating in what you’re meant for.
I was watching a previous recording of our live stream last night because I just felt led to. As a rule, I don’t do this. EVER. I watched though, and I cried and cried seeing myself worship on stage.
In the front.
Hand lifted high.
Bouncing around.
Shackle free.
Not for myself in the slightest.
Not for my neighbors or anyone in the congregation.
Just me and God.
If you find yourself in a similar position as I described. Bogged down from your full purpose with fear, insecurity, unworthiness, complacency, confusion, comparison, etc. – I challenge you, just as the Lord did me…
Let go of your notions. Let go of your fear. Let go of your unworthiness. Just let go and see where HE will lead.
There is freedom in surrender.
There is restoration in obedience.
None of what we are called to do is about US. Not a single gifting we have is for our own glory or self-edification.
It’s not about you/me/us.
It’s only HIM. For his glory, for his kingdom, for his honor.
When we let go, we can’t even fathom how much he has waiting for us.
❤️
Just Between Me & Jesus 